SO, it’s been awhile…..

New attitude–looking forward….changes in list format:

• No more low carb.  Started Weight Watchers.  Lost around 20 lbs.
• Got serious about baby.  No more birth control…quit Effexor.
• Got serious about blogging. 

Curious about the “blogging” thingy? 

I wanted to keep some kind of record for my child.  One day, I want my child to be able to read an account of what I felt before, during and after his/her birth.  Today’s thought—I probably am not pregnant.  I’ve never been very good at predicting my own cycle, but if I’m correct on the physical symptons, I ovulated around the 14th of July….I guess if everything remains “normal” and Aunt Flo doesn’t make an appearance, it might be a good idea to do a pregnancy test.  I’ll try to keep my fingers crossed….

Since I dropped the Low Carb lifestyle, I haven’t felt so addicted to sweets.  I feel pretty much normal now…amazing, really.  I guess our bodies do crave a certain amount of grains….besides that, low carb diets are safe during pregnancy…..

Further to my last post–my ex-Husband and his partner had a lovely dinner with my Husband and I a couple of weeks ago.  I felt that him coming out to me was groundbreaking, but having him for dinner and just being friends was fabulous….No one will ever understand how much happiness this brings me.   I just always needed to know that he was happy…seeing them together really cemented it for me.  I’m so glad he’s found love…..

Trip to Europe was wonderful….traveling 7 hours in a regular aisle seat turned out to be more comfortable than the bulkhead seats we managed to snag for the trip home.  I always forget that the bulkhead seating have solid dividers between them.  I didn’t get to “share” my Husband’s side of the seat as we did on the ride there.  Regardless, I slept all the way there and all the way back.  I even missed the ice cream on the way home…bully on my Hubby for not waking me!

Finally Hit Rock Bottom…

…on the weekend. 

I knew something had changed because the delicious Chocolate Gooey Cake that I made on Friday night just didn’t taste good to me. I guess the guilt and weight gain isn’t worth the sweet gooeyness any longer.  Good.  This means I’m ready to begin my healthy lifestyle…

My first plan of attack is to get into ketosis.  For those who aren’t familiar with low-carb dieting, ketosis is a state of fat burning that is attained through the elimination of almost all carbohydrate from the diet.  I kick-start this process by eating only meat and eggs for 3 to 4 days.  It usually works very well.  After 3 days, all the stored water weight is eliminated along with all cravings for sweets. 

I haven’t considered any long term goals just yet.  I suppose I’d be happy to fit into last year’s clothes…hopefully, that isn’t too far off…..

Still have my M&M’s habit….but

….I’m slowly changing.

Saw my GP on June 30th and had all the required tests for my yearly physical.  Doc feels that I’m in good condition to get pregnant, but I have to take folic acid for 6 months before trying.  I’m already taking it.  Since I started taking the tablets on July 1, I think trying to get pregnant beginning January 1, 2009 is a good deadline.

Since my previous posts, I’ve developed a pretty extreme Oreo Cakesters addiction.  No clue how much weight those puppies are responsible for, but my denim capri pants from last Summer don’t fit anymore.  Damn.

So, the plan is to get healthy before trying for our little bundle.  Today is Thursday.  I have Cakesters available so I’m thinking I will start fresh on Saturday or Sunday and have my blood tests (requested by the doctor) next Friday.  That should work out just fine.

So, the baby train has now left the station.  Let the fun begin.

Day 3.

June 3.  Day 3.

I feel hungry.  I don’t know if it’s REAL though. How does one determine what is “real” hunger and what is a craving?  My stomach is rumbling, but my calorie counts tell me that I shouldn’t be hungry.  What’s up with that?  I should Google it.

I feel like weighing myself, but I think if I do that, I just might get disappointed in myself and go on an M&M binge.  I can’t do that.  No weighing.  I’ll know when the time is *right*.

I hate being fat.  Plain and simple.  Wish I was strong enough not to sabotage my weight loss efforts every FREAKIN’ time. 

LISTEN UP ERNIE’S BRAIN!   When you feel like sabotaging my efforts again, I want you to remember the feeling of my swollen feet, my bloated tummy, my tight clothing and that awful feeling of being winded when I walk up a flight of stairs.  Let’s not forget to mention the PURE EXHAUSTION of physical work.

I don’t need fucking sugar.  It’s POISON.