From time to time I have days where I’m completely idle at work. It’s on those days that I find myself Googling low carb sites and essays, just to keep myself in check. Today I found myself reading some very uplifting information about the benefits of low carbing and the Inuit Paradox. It was very enlightening and interesting, but through the magic of the Internet, those articles ultimately led me to some low carb forum. Not that I’m against forums–the last time I was truly successful at low carbing, I spent a good amount of time posting in several low carb forums and for a while, I felt that was the secret to my sucess. The problem is, many of the forums focus on replacing sugary sweets with low carb alternatives.
Low carb alternatives to dessert usually include things such as cream cheese, unsweetened cocoa, butter, whipped cream, sugar free Jello and peanut butter. Although these items aren’t evil on their own, once doctored to taste like something I would have normally eaten when I wasn’t dieting, they become my kryptonite. Peanut butter is the worst. With a little liquid Splenda, one can whip up a batch of pretty yummy peanut butter cookies. While many on the forums say that these morsels “curb” their sugar cravings, the result is exactly the opposite for me.
In the past, I tried every low carb sweet recipe imaginable. I’ve made cookies, fudge, brownies, cakes, cupcakes, chocolate bars–you name it, I’ve tried it. At some point, I felt that I had an obsession with making so-called “low carb” treats. The outcome was always the same–I’d make a recipe, cut it up into the suggested serving sizes and eat the entire recipe. In short, I simply gave into the same kind of unhealthy practices that I had before I had lost the weight.
What most low carbers don’t know is that these faux sweets actually make you crave the real stuff MORE. I found after many years of getting caught in the same spiral, that I wasn’t getting the seratonin boost from the sugar so I simply binged on these sweets like a drug addict attempting to get his buzz. Unfortunately for my addicted brain, Splenda doesn’t have any affect on seratonin or insulin, so the boost just never materialized. I was physically full, but mentally unsatisfied. Typically, I would look for a better recipe. Since that “recipe” just didn’t exist, I’d find myself having “cheat days” when I purchased scads of crap, including Entemann’s cakes, tubs of frosting and any other item that contained a ridiculous amount of processed sugar. I have fallen into this trap too many times and I can’t even count how many times I’ve lost 50 lbs then gained it all back during one of these episodes, only to start all over again.
With all the extra cream, cheese and other high calorie fillers, I’d gain weight while still “on plan” and then curse Atkins for having lied to me. (Actually, Dr. Atkins would probably roll over in his grave if he knew all the crap people invent and call “low carb”)…I was in such a state of denial. I told myself that these things were “ok” and that if OTHERS on my forums could eat this way, why couldn’t I? The simple answer (that I wouldn’t accept back then) is because I am an ADDICT.
I’ve mentioned before that watching Intervention has given me some very good insight into the addictive mind. The mindsets and the denial I see on that program are so close to the way I feel about sugar. Addicts seem to make promises that they don’t intend to keep (I will go to treatment when I’m finished…*blank* (insert useless project here)….I have always said “I’ll lose weight when I move out of the house” (never happened). When an addict is high, they feel that they will quit their addiction “tomorrow”. After I’ve eaten a ton of junk and on a sugar rush, I always feel the MOST dedicated to dieting. Addicts sometimes hide their addiction from family and friends….I hide my eating from family and friends.
I’m definitely NOT comparing myself to these poor souls that have to work so hard at getting their life back in sync, but what I am paralleling is the mindset that is evident between myself and a heroin addict, for instance. I sometimes feel just as out of control and hopeless as these subjects appear on the show. Spiraling out of control, knowing the behaviour has to end, but continuing on the same path, day in and day out. It’s so depressing and although I realize that only I can stop it, I feel overwhelmed.
Thankfully for me, I have found that the moment I take control of myself and change my eating habits, my brain submits. This is not to say that the urge to eat the wrong foods doesn’t gnaw at me on some days—it simply gives me the control I require to get through every day. I use the method that is taught at AA–one day at a time. I feel that I have succeeded on a small scale, if I can go to bed at night and tell myself that I have eaten properly and I haven’t downed a pound of M&M’s. Keeping myself on a good eating regimen (three meals a day works for me, not grazing) keeps me focused and consistent. When I’m not obsessing with sweets, my mind is clear to concentrate on my healthy meals.
Eating healthy is a choice…..and one I intend to keep.
